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when i was dying from an eating disorder, i wasn’t. . . well, that’s what i would have told you. . . not all eating disorders are the same, but mine looked like fragility. weakness. paper-thin skin and a skeletal frame. addictive behaviors and irrational fears and a voice in my head that all danced in harmony, looking to slowly and painfully kill me. . . my mom would sneak into my room as i slept. she’d hover over my chest and watch desperately for a rise and fall. was she still breathing? in the mornings i’d wake up and get out of bed in slow motion, seeing stars as my feet hit the ground. . . and yet, if you asked me, i wasn’t sick. i was healthier than everyone around me. . . this is denial. this is an eating disorder. a world that is warped and twisted. a world where you simply can’t be a failure, you’ve worked much too hard. you are not sick. everyone is out to get you, right? . . but denial comes at all stages, not just at times when there are physical manifestations of a problem. . . eventually i went to treatment and gained back all of the weight i lost and more. i returned home to begin transitioning to normal life in the real world. . . mentally, i relapsed. NOW i was the sickest i’d ever been, but how? i looked fine from the outside. healthy, even! this made my denial of an illness even stronger. how can i still be sick when look, there’s padding on my middle and my collarbones are tucked away! . . eating disorders are marked by denial. a refusal to believe that a pursuit which began with good, “healthy”, intentions could go so…wrong. i didn’t truly begin to recover until i accepted that i was hurting, that i had a long road of work ahead of me. regardless of your external state, if there is pain, fear, anxiety, distortion living inside of you…you deserve help. . . and you shouldn’t deny yourself of that.
hi friends 🙃 i had myself a WEEKEND. oooooof. 11/10 on the fun scale, but thats also an 11/10 on the “i’m still wiped and probably shouldn’t drink ever again” scale. just practicing that ~balance~! so much fun but i’m deddddd. a phat bowl of pasta and an @alwayssunnyfxx marathon made for the perfect sunday night recovery last night 🤤💤 now let’s see if i make it through monday. no guarantees 🙂 ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️ gluten free red lentil spaghetti with @raoshomemade tomato and basil sauce, sautéed veggies . . #healthyfood #healthy #foodie #cleaneats #foodblogger #plantbasedblogger #sundaysauce #sunday #chickpea #raos #veganprotein #pastasunday #balance #balancedeating #eattogrow #recovery #edrecovery #cleaneating #wellness #fitness #healthyinspo #healthylife #glutenfree #grainfree #pasta #healthymeals #glutenfreepasta #redlentil #lentilpasta #greens
#ad: you guys know my love for savory runs deep, so it’s no surprise i’m slowly getting into savory oatmeal again...but with a @rightrice twist! i celebrated my savory oatmeal revival by taking this creamy, dreamy, hearty bowl to the next level: aka half oats, half @rightrice original rice. if you haven’t heard about it yet, this rice is made from chickpeas and lentils, aka two of my favorite foods! adding #rightrice to this bowl changed the texture game, not to mention gave it a hefty protein boost. i’ll post what i did below! grab some for yourself at @wholefoods @fairwaymarket or @freshdirect #ricemaderighter ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️ to make, i added 1/2 cup oats and 1/2 cup rice to a stovetop pot with 1.5 cups of water. bring to a boil and stir frequently, then simmer for ten minutes or until it gets thick (can add more water if needed). at the end i threw in a hefty glob of salted ghee and garlic powder, stirred through until well combined. plate and serve with veggies and a fried egg!
i was 101% *that* kid in the elementary school cafeteria who opened her backpack and 4 bags of little bites muffins fell out, oops 😄 i was addicted to those things and am convinced i could have kept the company in business solely on my own. i had a lot of potential :’) anyway, this morning i finished my last paleo snacking loaf, so i decided to make a new batch but…as…muffins. power moves only duhhhh. i changed the recipe a little to utilize more starchy ingredients like oat and quinoa flour, which make them perfect for pairing with curries and chilis. swipe to see tonight’s dinner (runnnnnnnnning home for this bowl)! ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️ savory grain-free mini muffins 3 eggs 1/4 cup olive oil 3 tbsp maple syrup 1 tbsp ACV blend together in a food processor until smooth (can whisk by hand)! add: .5 cup oat flour flour .5 cup quinoa flour 1/3 cup warm water sea salt garlic powder sea salt pinch of baking powder blend until well combined. pour into mini loaf pans and top with seeds of choice (i usually do sunflower, pumpkin, and chia). bake at 350 for about 20 minutes. . . #healthyfood #healthy #foodie #cleaneats #foodblogger #vegans #whatveganseat #wellness #fitness #healthyinspo #healthylife #glutenfree #grainfree #paleo #healthymeals #plantpower #thenewhealth #mbg #food52grams #thefeedfeed
isss been a WEEK here at HRHQ between working two jobs, midterm studying, and showering on an acceptable basis 😀 safe to say i need allllll the treats to keep me going. these chocolate chip vegan breakfast bars have been doing the trick. my record is 4 in a span of 15 minutes...note they are cut into THICK slices. big stressed girl gotta EAT 🥵 been trying to experiment more with vegan-style baking and flax eggs and *loved* how well these turned out. recipe below! ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️ chocolate chip vegan breakfast bars: - 1 flax egg (2 tablespoons ground flax mixed with 6 tablespoons water, let sit for 10 minutes until gel-like texture) - 1 cup roasted and chilled sweet potato chunks (can also use 1 cup sweet potato mash) - 1/4 cup sunflower feed butter (or any nut butter of choice) - 1/4 cup coconut oil - 3 tablespoons honey (use maple syrup to keep strictly vegan) - 1 ripe banana - 1/4 cup almond milk - splash of vanilla add the above ingredients to a food processor and blend until completely combined. then add: - 1/4 cup coconut flour - sea salt - cinnamon - pinch of sea salt blend until thick batter comes together. stir in chocolate chips of choice and pour into a greased brownie pan. top with more chocolate. bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes and let cool completely before serving! . . #healthyfood #healthy #foodie #cleaneats #foodblogger #wellness #fitness #healthyinspo #healthylife #glutenfree #grainfree #paleo #healthymeals #plantpower #thenewhealth #mbg #food52grams #thefeedfeed #thefeedfeedbaking #chocolate #glutenfree #veganbreakfast #vegandessert #sweetpotato #veganbaking #
i think one of the best things about food freedom is that i no longer feel crippling anxiety when offered meals i didn’t make myself. my dad loves to cook (and is undoubtedly the best cook i know). when i was sick he’d offer me tastes of the dishes he’d make for dinner, and i’d kick, scream, cry, deadly afraid of the amount of oil he used or how many grains of rice he piled on. deep down i longed for not just a bite, but a bowl, an entire pot of each meal. my eating disorder kept me miserable and empty. i think that broke his heart pretty bad. all he ever wanted was to show me love, and i now know that cooking and nourishing another being is exactly this: an expression of deep gratitude. today, i run down the stairs the second i hear my dad rummaging through the pots in the cupboard. i watch him cook, help him chop and dice and stir. and the best part is, we enjoy these meals together... with a clear mind and light heart. pictured here is one of my absolute favorite combos he’s been making forever: basmati rice, escarole, white beans. no recipe because, well, that’s not the point here, is it? but i’ll leave you all with this: know that i enjoyed it more than i can ever begin to express ♥️ . . #healthyfood #healthy #foodie #cleaneats #foodblogger #vegans #whatveganseat #wellness #fitness #healthyinspo #healthylife #glutenfree #grainfree #paleo #healthymeals #plantpower #thenewhealth #mbg #food52grams #thefeedfeed

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